Mommyhood

A {3RD TRIMESTER} “MATCH.COM” PROFILE

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RELATIONSHIP: Married

SEEKING: Friendship through Commiseration

FAITH: Losing it

BODY TYPE: Large, Round, Gets Bigger Every Day

EYES: Tired

HAIR: Not washed

PREGNANCY #? 3

HOW FAR ALONG? No idea. (Refer to line above.)  

AGE: Too old for this shit

HABITS: Peeing on the half hour 

HOBBIES: Eating

STRENGTHS: Crawling hand over foot up a set of stairs

EXERCISE HABIT: Crawling hand over foot up a set stairs

UNIQUE ABILITIES: Growing a bigger nose 

LANGUAGES: English, Yelling

LAST READ: Huh?

BODY ART: Stretch Marks, Linea Nigra

FAVORITE HOT SPOTS: My couch (with the heat turned up)

OCCUPATION: Raising humans, Growing humans

FAVORITE FOODS: No discrimination whatsoever.  (Refer to Hobbies.)

LIKES: Sleeping, Showers, Elastic waistbands

DISLIKES: Not Sleeping, Heartburn, Sciatica, Frequent Urination, Backaches, Constipation, Swollen Ankles

STYLE: Like A Mother

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