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TALES FROM THE STARS: A Celebrity Crush Gone Wrong

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Hubby has a crush on Tom Brady and I have a crush on Giselle Bundchen.  I can’t figure out how to get those two dots over the N. Or the U. Whatever.  Naturally, I follow her on Instagram (Psst..follow me @KristinQuinnMom) and she recently posted this picture with the caption: What would I do without this beauty squad after the 15 hours flying and only 3 hours of sleep? #multitasking

Stop the bus.  I have so many questions but first a statement:  You are not multitasking sister.  You are doing one thing.  So wait, you just got off a 15 hour flight, your “beauty squad” has hardly done anything yet, and you STILL look like THAT? How come you didn’t sleep on the plane?  Weren’t you in First Class where the seats recline flat?  Was your baby with you?  If not, did you pump in that tiny bathroom?  Or do you have a team that covers you while you pump on the plane?  Or did you not give a shit and pump in public because you are Giselle Bundchen with two dots in your name? Or are your boobs made of magic and do exactly what you ask them to do?  I’m thinking they are magic boobs.  I’m staring at one right now and the skin is way too taut to be full of milk.  How are you not leaking out of the other boob while you are nursing in that robe?  Do Supermodel magic boobs not need nursing pads?  Or bras?  God I hate you Giselle Bundchen with two dots in your name.  No I don’t.  I love you.  Will you be mine?

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