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TALES FROM THE THIRD TRIMESTER: OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!!

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3rd Trimester, 2 weeks to go and I’m officially a crazy person.  I’m buying groceries everyday “just in case.”  Of what, an apocalypse?  (LAY OFF ME I’M STARVING.)  I’m making no sense when I speak.  I’m answering people with “two weeks” and “boy” regardless of the question.  I’m peeing around the clock.  Miss P. keeps saying “Mommy, Pee Pee again?!”  I feel like a ticking, leaking, time bomb.  My boobs need their own zip code.  (Not Jenna Jameson’s Beverly Hills zip code, more like Mama June’s Georgia zip code.)  I have a stain on every shirt I own.  (The food doesn’t get a chance to fall on the napkin, it gets caught in a fat fold on the way down.)  The inside of my thighs are painfully chaffed.  (Of course I don’t have proof of this because it would take an act of God to see down there.  Maybe this is how morbidly obese people feel when they sense they have bed sores?)  I have a condition called pubic synthesis dysfunction.  Basically it feels like my pelvic bones are playing an intense game of Tug O’ War with each other.  I have to wear an SI belt for relief.  (It Velcro’s, people.)  I’ve resorted to crawling up my 4 sets of stairs hand over foot.  If Miss P. is too tired to climb up on her own, I put her on my back while I do this.  (Are you getting the visual?)  Everything near me smells like trash.  The sink, the car, my food, this computer, you.  I ask Hubby to sniff things to confirm my suspicion but mostly he just confirms I’m crazy.  My feet are so swollen I busted a hole in the side of my beloved Tory Burch flats (that I still refuse to hang up.)  And lastly, I have Multiple Personality Disorder.  One minute I’ll get excited about meeting the new baby and the next minute I’ll want to hug Miss P. and never let go.  I think I’ve convinced myself it will be the last time we do things {car races, puzzles, flashcards, books, dance parties, apple picking, water park, playground, train rides, forts, tunnels, pumpkin decorating, stickers, grocery shopping} just us, ever again.

I took a yoga class last month.   Admittedly, it was the first time during this pregnancy I felt truly connected to my baby.  I was able to lay back, put a hand on my belly, and feel the warm blissful flow of life growing inside of me.  I remember this all-consuming feeling during my first pregnancy but this time I was too consumed with my full-of-life toddler to notice.  I was thankful for that fleeting moment though; it was a wonderful reminder of how special creating life really is.

Let’s do this.

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