1 Month Before Leaving:
Think to yourself: This is a great idea. Boy could I use a break. Man would I love to drink an adult beverage with an adult other than me. Maybe I’ll even get to wear clothes without poop stains? Sleep 7 straight hours? Pee ALONE?
2 Weeks Before Leaving:
Start to write the kid’s schedules down in a 5 page manual. Convince yourself it’s not legible. Type, print, and laminate it. Use highlighter.
1 Week Before Leaving:
Update your Will & Testament. Google “probability of plane crashing” Have panic attack.
5 Days Before Leaving:
Tell your husband if you die he has to marry someone else. Not to fulfill a void he might be missing but because his kids will need a Mother. (Promise to only haunt him on days that end in ‘Y.’)
4 Days Before Leaving:
Convince yourself it’s a terrible idea to leave the house let alone get on a plane flying away from your children. Check non-refundable ticket policy. Head down shame spiral.
3 Days Before Leaving:
Make lists. Christmas lists, shopping lists, lists of things to do with kids in the area. Medicinal lists and lists of nearby hospitals. Lists of what to do when a child is choking and lists of where to bring a child if their hair grows long in four days and they need an emergency haircut. Just. Keep. Listing.
2 Days Before Leaving:
Try to coax the baby into learning how to walk prematurely in fear of missing his first step.
1 Day Before Leaving:
Cuddle your children to the point of annoyance. Don’t let them up for air. Read books in bed in the morning. Breathe in their sweet scent. Memorize their little voices. Steal a stuffed animal for your suitcase.
Morning Of Departure:
Write notes to your kids. Head to the airport with a heavy heart.
1 Hour Before Flight:
Randomly run into your sister in law’s boyfriend. Drink. Settle into the feeling that you must give up control.
Morning of Returning Flight:
Get butterflies in your stomach. Pray that your plane will carry you back to your children safely. Tell yourself you had fun but nothing is worth missing those faces.
1st Minute Of Being Home:
Kiss and hug them mercilessly. Get poop on your shirt.