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Mommyhood

THE HEAVEN & HELL THAT IS A CHILD’S BIRTHDAY PARTY

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imagesOMG we didn’t get invited to his birthday party.  Why weren’t we invited? Will everyone be talking about it?  “Hey there! Is Jack going to Carter’s birthday party? Yes? Oh, nope not us.”  We are MUCH better friends with Carter than Jack.  I’m so sad, we are going to miss THE party!
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Great, invited to another birthday party.  Woohoo, we’re popular.  Now we get to spend our Saturday singing Happy Birthday to (what’s this kid’s name again?) images

Ooooh goodie now it’s OUR turn, I LOVE planning parties! I love seeing the look on their faces! The excitement! But first, the invite list.  I think we should invite everyone at school, yes. That’s 25 people hmmm….we also need everyone in our playgroup.  That’s another 8. Oh gosh what about the neighbors.  12 more.  Oh wait I have a GREAT idea! We could have 2 parties! That way we can include everyone she’s ever known since birth!
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I hear Disney World’s pretty cheap this time of year.  
imagesOooh where could we host the party, hmmm she LOVES Kid Zone! And then we don’t have to pick up anything! Or what about Jungle Jake’s? That’s always a fan favorite.  Nope, I’ve got it – the trampoline park! The kids can run and jump and play, it’ll be great! No clean up! And everything will already be there for us!
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Jungle Fanny Backwards Flip Zone Park Club doesn’t provide Booze, genius.

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Should we have people bring gifts?  That’s a key component of a kid’s birthday party right? But they have so many toys already.  Maybe we’ll say please no gifts.  Material things aren’t important.  Maybe we’ll ask people to donate the gifts they would have brought to kids in need instead.  
devil-clip-art-337548NO GIFTS!? Who are you, Scrooge? Go ahead and see what your “No Gifts” policy gets you.  I’ll save you the suspense, half the party will obey your asinine request and feel like crap when the Johnny-Do-Gooder other half comes bearing presents.  Also, your kid will probably hate you.
imagesWhat should we eat? If the party starts at 11 is that breakfast or lunch? What should we serve? We need some sort of veggie not just junk.  I’m not going to be THAT Mom.  The cake HAS to be nut-free of course.  Is sun butter a nut? Doesn’t Mary have a gluten allergy? She’ll need a special gluten-free cupcake.  We DEFINITELY need to make our own appetizers in the shape of dinosaurs and then bring out the pizza specifically cut into “family size” pieces.  Will the parents eat pizza? We should probably get them a big salad.  OMG what about the babies! What will they eat?? Jars of baby food could make a really cute centerpiece… Helllllooooooooo Pinterest. 
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FYI, babies nap and no one eats during the hours of 2-4PM.
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Is a bouncy castle SO 2015? Didn’t one just blow away with kids inside of it? No bouncy castle.  Clowns are scary.  Boys don’t like princesses.  What about a petting zoo? Too much poop.  Need something with less poop….oh I’ve got it a puppet show! Well we’ll want them outside though.  What about a blow-up (nailed down) slide with a puppet show combo followed by a musician who doubles as a face painter! Yes, that will entertain all ages and stages.  Perfect.  Now, where’s my checkbook….
devil-clip-art-337548Your husband hid it.

Party at our house, 2-4pm.  BYOB. With gifts.

 

-MIM-
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