It’s 6am on a Saturday and I wake to the sound of pitter patter feet coming towards my room. He jumps into the bed and wraps his whole body around mine until it forms perfectly. “I’m going to miss you buddy” I whisper into his hair. “I’m going to miss your warmness, Mommy” he breathes into my cheek with one last squeeze before he heads downstairs for hockey practice.
It’s 8:45am on a Sunday and he is walking around the kitchen with a dining room chair attached to his back. “Deck!” I call out from the mudroom, “You have baseball in 10 minutes” He walks up to me with his arms still intertwined in the chair and says “Hey Look! I’m a chair lift!” and laughs so hard he falls down.
It’s 4:45pm on a Friday and I’m sitting in the living room, watching him work intently on a project he made up by himself. I can’t stand the thought of missing any of it. “Hey bud, you know that…if I’m not here…for whatever reason…we’re still connected, right?” He hears the sincerity in my voice and stops what he’s doing. “Oh yeah, sure Mommy, with our heartstrings, right?” He’s walking over to me. “Yes, exactly, with our heartstrings…they never go away” I tell him as he climbs in my lap and presses his chest against mine. “Except right now see? No heartstrings needed because our hearts get to be touching each other.”
It’s 8:39pm on the night before your birthday. I tell you that you were my easiest delivery. (Not my easiest birth, I think to myself, but certainly my easiest delivery.)
You squint your eyes and try to understand what I’m saying “Was your belly so big with me Mama?” you ask inquisitively. “Oh yeah babe, my belly was so big with you.” “Mommy, I know I’m not supposed to marry you, but how about I marry someone and then we live next door to you, would that be okay?” I pull away away to get the last look of his 5 year old-ness.
Promise? I whisper
Happy 6th Birthday to my sweet soul,
Decker Patrick Quinn