It was all we knew in the beginning. The long nights that blended into short mornings that turned into nights again. The times I wondered if you would ever leave my chest. The times I wondered if I were enough. The times I cherished when it was just us. The moments we got to steal away; when time would seem to stop and it felt like we were one person. It was my full time job, nursing you. It was all we knew. I gave it my best. I nursed you from the moment I met you. I nursed you through a postpartum hemorrhage that left me weak and pale for months. I nursed you while I rubbed your siblings backs and put them to bed. I nursed you in the car outside of soccer practice, in the pick up line at school, and in the dressing room at Target. But no points will be awarded. No medals will be given out. You won’t get into college because of this. When you become an adult, no doctor will ever ask if you were breastfed. It doesn’t work that way. It was a mutually beneficial relationship for us until it wasn’t. Now I am starting to enjoy my freedom and win back my body. Now you are starting to enjoy your freedom and have found that feeding yourself can be fun, too. I don’t cuddle you any less. You still smile just as much as you used to. Your eyes still light up when you see me and your arms reach for me when you need comfort. We did what we needed to do, you and I. We did it together. We’re in the next chapter, now. I know one of us will move on and never remember the feeling. And I know one of us will never forget.
Photo by: Lucie Wicker Photography