(By the way no one looks like this before they go to bed. Where is her oversized T Shirt for God’s sake? I just picked it because she’s a redhead and did you know there were NO redhead emoji’s yet? Blasphemy.)
The bright white light prevents our brains from producing melatonin. We won’t know it’s nighttime. It messes up our internal body clock. It screws up our eyes. It makes us gain weight. It’s going to kill us. Okay, okay already – we get it.
But do you know what our days are like?
Maybe we scooped up human feces off a bathroom floor at 7am. Maybe we still haven’t poured a cup of coffee and it’s 9am. Or maybe we did but after turning out 3 breakfast plates and 3 packed lunches it became cold after 30 minutes of not being touched. Coffee can be a real bitch like that. And did you know we were handed back a pair of our own underwear by our kid’s teacher in a plastic baggie this morning? Maybe we got to work and playfully responded “Be There On The Double!” when we were asked to come to a meeting. Maybe that went over like a lead ballon. Or maybe we were home with the kids, jetting from swim lessons to ballet class back home for naps with drool running down our chins because still no coffee. Or maybe there were no naps today which meant we spent 2 hours coaxing and praying and we weren’t sure who cried more – us or the two year old. Maybe we’re hiding in a pantry right now shoving a Twix in our mouths. Or maybe we had a chicken finger for dinner. Maybe it’s 8pm and still no coffee. Or shower.
But now we are lying in bed. We are exhausted. We might feel like the floor of a taxi cab. Our heads hurt from lack of caffeine and is that a goldfish in our toes? Do you know what we want to do next? Not shower. Not fall into an immediate and restful sleep. We want to escape reality for 15 minutes by way of mindless scrolling. OMG Kendall Kardashian’s hair color is insane today. That little boy is 1 already!? I love a good cake smash. Did you see the ridiculous debate on the Pinboard about vaccinations and playing sports? Wait is that chick pregnant!? And so on.
So yes maybe this is affecting our sleep but you know what else does that? Having kids. So yes maybe this is making us gain weight but you know what else does that? Chicken fingers and Twix. And as for it killing us? I can think of worse ways to go out. I choose death by scrolling. Now can you please pass the charger?
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