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TALES FROM THE COUCH

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I am calling this entry “Tales from the couch” because after I delivered I never left the couch.  Visitors would come and chatted and I seriously never budged from my little spot on the brown couch with Little Miss P.  It felt safe there.  Tales From The Couch explains what went inside my head when visitors came within the first couple weeks post-baby.   I wanted to literally blurt some of these things out directly to my visitors but luckily the filter was still working.

Top 10 Rules & Proper Etiquette for Visiting a 1

st

Time Mom Post Delivery:

1. Don’t stay too long.  An hour tops. 

Mommy’s Brain

:

“Please leave. Please leave. Please leave.  This has been nice but please leave.”

2. Don’t ask when they are going back to work.  They do not want to think about this.

Mommy’s Brain

:

“I want to cry at the thought of leaving my baby to go to the bathroom so getting up, dressed, and out the door is not something I can process right now.”

3. Bring food.  Always.

Mommy’s Brain:

I’m eating for two, still.  I never remember to eat because I am trying to keep an infant alive.  Please feed me.

4. Heat up the food that you bring over, and put it on the plate.  Feed new mom. 

Mommy’s Brain

:

“Okay, okay this is asking for too much but it would be mighty handy”

5. If she is wearing a “Hooter Hider” apron while breast feeding do not pull it back to look at the baby.  She is wearing it for a reason.

Yes, this happened to me.

6. Let her see you wash your hands before you touch her newborn baby.

Mommy’s Brain:

“Did they take the subway here?  Filthy! Did they go to the bathroom before they came? Ew! Did they touch our elevator buttons on the way up?  Ahhh!”

7. Tell her she looks fantastic for just going through one of the most traumatic experiences in life.

Mommy’s Brain:

“They haven’t commented on how I look so I must look terrible.”

Hint: You do. But it’s nice to hear a little white lie.

8. Bring a gossip magazine.

Mommy’s Brain:

“I would love to take my mind off keeping an infant alive for 10 minutes while she sleeps.”

9. Don’t offer to babysit. It’s too soon.  I know people think this is a nice gesture and they are only trying to be helpful… but every time someone suggested this my heart wanted to rip out of my chest.  It’s irrational and emotional but picturing leaving your baby in someone else’s care right after you give birth is very hard to do.  Actually that is a lie…I still feel this way and LM is 8 months old.

10. Tell her that her baby is beautiful and looks just like her even if they are covered in baby acne, slightly orange, and sport a receding hairline like your 70 year old uncle.

Sorry Little Miss but it was true…

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