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TALES FROM THE BOXING RING

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I love my daughter more than anything in this world. And she loves me back.  Really, really, REALLY hard.

5 examples of how I get the shit kicked out of me by my 10 month old:

1. 

She rips the hair out of my head.

Sometimes we’ll take her into our bed if it’s before 6am and we aren’t ready to get up.  She lays in between us looking sweet as an angel…and then it begins.  She starts to grab my hair and pull it out of my head, strand by strand.  I try to stop her but she’s relentless.  It’s like her own little meditation.  Instead of prayer beads she uses my hair.  I try to nudge her towards hubby to see if she’ll do it to him instead of me.  I’m a really nice wife.  She starts yanking at his hair and he smiles; says he likes it.  Men.

She soon discovers his hair isn’t very long, gets bored, and turns back to torture me.

Pain Meter: Hair-raising

2. 

She head-butts.

P will tilt her head all the way back.. and then BULLDOZE it into your forehead.  The look of confusion on her face that follows is pretty entertaining.  But the bruises on her head are horrifying.  If you read “TALES FROM THE EMERGENCY ROOM” you might appreciate this:  Hubby insists on explaining to every doctor we see that she’s really into head-butting lately and that it must be a stage.  I tell him he sounds like he is overcompensating and they are going to think we beat the poor kid.  He shuts up immediately.

Mom tells me this is P’s 10-month-old-way of establishing her dominance.  I’ll take it. 

Pain Meter: Headache producing

3. 

She sticks her finger up my nose. 

I haven’t had a bloody nose since grade school.  I’ve had TWO in the last month.  P thinks this is hysterical and jabs her finger so hard up my nose that it feels bruised for days.

Pain Meter: Reduced to Tears

4. 

She kicks me in the gut. 

Fact: Little Miss

hates

getting dressed.  Hubby is hoping she gets over this by the time she’s a teenager.  When I lay her on the bed and try to put clothes over her head she fights me like crazy.  She recently discovered that kicking me in the stomach causes me to jump back; hence stopping the dressing process.  So she does it…over and over again. 

Pain Meter: Minor, but Annoying

5. 

She hits.

I’ll admit it, I like this one.  When she sees me come through the door, she gets so excited so I scoop her up and she starts to smack my face with both hands with a huge smile.

Pain Meter: Worth it.

“HEY…YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME!!??”

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