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TALES, TIPS, & TOOLS

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I’d like to share that I am literally eating baby food out of a jar right now.  So please use your best judgement when deciding whether or not to take any of this advice.

Top Ten Tips & Tricks For New Moms

#10  Take An Early Parenting Class

(0-3 months)

Isolation, Fear, Guilt, Sadness.  Welcome to my blog!  Just kidding.  These are some of the negative feelings that may come up after childbirth.  If you felt like you were the only person in the Universe to have just given birth then go take an early Parenting class.  For Mass. residents, go to Isis and register for the Great Beginnings class.  I must admit I went into this class thinking it wasn’t for me but upon advice of a good friend I went anyway.  I came out on the other side of it with boosted confidence as a mom and a group of girlfriends that will be in my life for a long time.  We discussed it all, no holds barred.  It was the therapy I needed at a time when I would never admit that I needed therapy.

#9 “Nurse With Confidence”

(Start of Breastfeeding to End)

Buy Milkscreen.  You have to laugh at their attempt at marketing.  Even the box is sterile and medicinal.  If it were up to me I would go the complete opposite route and promote the crap out of the fact that it tells you whether or not you are too drunk to nurse your baby.  “Mommy’s Night Out! Go Get Hammered!”  But seriously, I probably should have bought stock in this company.  The results are annoying though.  I would have a beer and a half on an empty stomach and the strip would come back negative and then I’d have to dip into the golden supply of pumped milk (Oh, the

horror

).  Ref: TALES FROM THE BOOB.

Milkscreen Link

#8   Control The Clutter

(Bottle Feeding to Solids)

Now that I’m no longer nursing (I tapped out once the first tooth popped through) I often feel like my nights are consumed with washing bottles and accessories.  To avoid making your counter top look like a plastic factory, use this fresh, modern solution from Boon:

Countertop Drying Rack Link

#7  Get The Crud Out

(0-3 Months)

Here’s something you might not know about chubby newborns:  They get nasty old milk stuck in their skin folds.  Yup, just like a bulldog.  Use these Target washcloths to get the nasties out.   Cheap as heck and works like a charm:

Washcloth Link

#6  Treat Your Baby Like A Vampire (0-6 months)

I was due in the Spring.   Everyone told me how lucky I was because the weather would be nice.  Not so much.  (PS, Who knew that you couldn’t use sunscreen on your baby until 6 months??)

You will do everything you can to avoid exposing your baby’s skin to the sun.  It is a constant problem.  This miracle product from UppaBaby allowed me to take Little Miss P out for a walk sans-guilt.

UppaBaby Sunshade Link

#5  Back The F Up

There will come a point when you run out of things to do with your child in your home.  The walls will cave in on you.  You will have played with every toy, read every book, sung every song, and peek-a-boo becomes old hat.  When this happens to you, go buy a bunch of balls, put them in a playard, and then let your baby play independently. 

What? Independently??

  Yes.  Back away from your kid and teach them how to play on their own.

#4 Pretend You Spent A Lot On Your Diaper Bag…Then Don’t

I was so against spending over $100 to carry something that would carry something that would eventually carry my daughters shit in it.  If you’ve already read TALES FROM THE RESTAURANT then you already know I clearly need help on how to pack a diaper bag.  I get compliments on this bag everywhere I go.  People don’t even really believe it’s a diaper bag.  (Sidenote: A friend of mine is a prominent personal stylist in Boston…after I bought this bag I saw that she had the same one.  Nailed it.)

Skip Hop Diaper Bag Link

#3 Cut Your Baby’s Nails Drunk

I’m joking.  Kind of. I drink a beer before I cut Little P’s nails.  That’s actually not true I drink two beers.  It’s just enough to get me over my fear of doing it.  It gives me the confidence to get in there and get it done.  Go ahead and judge but for the record, I have drawn blood 0 times after taking this approach.

#2  Suck It Up. Literally.

Your baby will get sick at least 9 times in the first year.  That is a lot of mucus, my friends.  Enter the snot sucker.  This thing is bad ass.   Yes, you SUCK the snot out of your baby’s nose (without it reaching your lips).  This tool is so much more thorough than a traditional aspirator.  And yes, I realize the ridiculousness of using the term “thoroughness” when it comes to snot sucking.  If this is not love I do not know what is:

Nose Frida Link

And…..The #1 Tip (This One’s For The Guys)

What Not To Say To Your Wife After She Bears Your Child – 

ME: (looking at self sideways in the mirror): “Ew, what they say about pancake boobs after nursing is true. I am totally getting a breast lift when we are done having kids.”

Hubby: “Okay, Great! I will totally pay for that.”

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