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Notes From A Pregnancy Journal

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JACKPOT.  Totally forgot I kept a pregnancy journal until I found it last night underneath my mattress.  (Why was I looking underneath my mattress? 

No idea

.)  I’ve shared so much with you already, why hold back now.

Here were my deep thoughts, verbatim, while pregnant in 2010/2011:

8.16.10

It’s so strange how you try NOT to get pregnant your whole life and all of a sudden your bursting at the seams to tell people you are.  Here are my symptoms: Boobs are huge.  Emotional.  Nauseous.  Cramping.  The last one scares me….it’s this pulling feeling I hate.  I check for spotting every time I pee; slightly paranoid that something might go wrong.  My new mantra: “I am a baby safe haven.  I am a baby safe haven.”

9.5.10

Cried for no reason today.  Feel like I’m not eating enough veggies but all I want are carbs.  I’m getting bigger even though this baby is the size of a Lima bean.  Found out that 5 other people I know are also pregnant.  Stealing my thunder!  Just kidding.  Kind of.  

9.30.10

I told work and friends today, it was so much fun.  Longest 3 months ever!

Oct 1st 2010

Threw up dinner

Oct 2nd 2010

Threw up breakfast

10.19.10

People are really nice to you when you’re pregnant I could get used to this.  I feel more pregnant at night than in the morning.  I like my growing belly I think it’s the coolest thing.  I can’t find anything I want to eat but fruit. Had a half glass of wine with the girls last night.  Didn’t taste the same and wasn’t worth the guilt.  I hope it tastes better after the baby because I love red wine; but for now … enjoying never being hungover from drinking.

11.5.10

Woke up bawling in the middle of the night.  Equating it to inner fear that (hubby) will never want to have sex with me again.

11.8.10

It’s a girl!  I convinced myself it was a boy.  I’m so excited.  Weddings, clothes, advice, my mind is spinning. 

11.20.10

I am uber aware of everything happening in my body.  I’m also having the strangest dreams about crazy things… ocean creatures, ex-boyfriends, getting shot.  Weird.  I feel anxious and go from depressed to scared to so happy very quickly. I have these amazing moments though when I feel a little person inside of me.  It’s this warm juicy lovey feeling. 

12.6.10

Ahhh this isn’t so bad.  5lbs gained, all belly, I’ll take it.  Working out, eating right.  Only issue is lower back pain…so far.  Holy shit I can’t believe I’m going to be responsible for another human life.

12.29.10

Doing more yoga than ever.  Accepting what I can no longer do.  I feel the closest connection with the baby while doing yoga.  In other news….I got through Christmas sober.

1.7.10

Hubby’s in NYC tonight. I don’t like the feeling of being alone and pregnant.  I feel like anything can happen and I’m totally vulnerable.

1.11.11

Loving these baby kicks.  At first I didn’t get the big deal everybody kept talking about.  But I love them now…these little earthquakes, they are pure bliss. 

1.12.11

Loving the name Alexis.  This naming thing is harder than I thought.

I have no heartburn and no constipation.  The 2 symptoms everyone talks about.  But speaking of crap I’m eating a crap load of fruit so maybe that’s helping with the latter.  

1.26.11

I could not be more thankful for my mom.  I found new appreciation for her through this process.  I love her so much and would be lost without her.

2.14.11

I’m a little sad.  Saying goodbye to my old life and independence is making me sad and then I feel guilty for feeling that way.  (Hubby) helps me get through thoughts like this.  He is going to be a great Dad.  I’m so glad to have him and hope we never ever lose what we worked so hard to build together.

3.9.11

I love feeling her little body parts stick out – a bum, a foot, it’s the coolest feeling in the world.

38 weeks – Sunday April 3rd

I finally received great advice today after telling a friend I was so sick of waiting for this baby to come. She said “Know that this is the closest you’ll ever be to your baby.  You know she is the safest in there.” Decided to try and enjoy this time.  

10 Months Pregnant – April 17th

She’s 1 day late.  I feel like a ticking time bomb.  Weird pelvic pains.  Hips seize up when I try to walk. Might explode.   

4/30/3011

(Little Miss P) 8lbs, 10oz, 21 inches.  4/21/11, 10:55pm.  Perfect.

I am so in love with my husband.  I feel so lucky.  I love my family.  20 hours of labor.  Immense cramping.  Didn’t think I would survive the pain.  Sunny side up.  So much pressure.  So scared.  Could not have done it without my husband.  He is my hero.

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