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Mommyhood

THE 13 ‘LITTLE WHITE LIES’ OF PREGNANCY

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Remember the joys of pregnancy?  Check out MIM’s 13 Little White Lies of Pregnancy:

Question: How are you feeling?
LWL: Pretty good, thanks.
Other than sick of that question? I feel like a starving beached whale most days, thanks for asking. 


Question: When are you due?
LWL: November 15th
November 13th.  But if that day comes and I’m still pregnant I want a 2 day buffer zone before I start to dagger-eye people that ask “Weren’t you due 2 days ago?” 


Question (from Doctor:) Are you eating well and exercising?
LWL: Yes.
Eating the fruit out of the grocery cart while pushing it counts, right?  


Question: How far along are you?
LWL: 7 months.
6.5 months. 


Question. Coffee while pregnant? Wow. Is it decaf?
LWL: Yes, of course it’s decaf.
No.  No it isn’t decaf.


Question: Do you have any pregnancy cravings?
LWL: Not really.
Cheetos. Mashed Potatoes. Potato Chips. French Fries. Pretzels dipped in cream cheese. Those ice cream cones with the chocolate surprise on the bottom. Diet Coke. Cheetos. Did I mention Cheetos?


Question: You have to pee, again?
LWL: Just going to blow my nose.
Yes I have to pee. Again. 


Question: Do you ever have anything to drink when you’re pregnant?
LWL: Gosh no.
You mean other than a glass and a half every Friday night? Naw. 


Question: Mommy, why are you standing like that, are you mad?
LWL: Oh no honey, I’m just a little cold.
Because my boobs feel like 10lbs. of shit trying to bust out of 2lb. bags. 


Question: Are you finding out the sex?
LWL: Nope.
Yup. 


Question: Was this planned??
LWL: No, we had no idea this would happen!
I was drunk.


Question: Was this planned??
LWL: Yes, totally.
He was drunk. 


Question: Are you SO excited!?
LWL: Can’t wait.
Is it possible to give birth to a 1 year old? 

 

-MIM-
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