Can I get a witness? Breastfeeding hurts. Some even claim it hurts worse than labor and delivery. My first attempt at breastfeeding left me with bite marks, bruises and hickeys and I wasn’t even auditioning for a twisted porn movie. But you know what was almost worse? The feeling that I was going through it alone, and somehow messing it all up. (This kinda didn’t help either…)
Why didn’t anyone tell me breastfeeding was going to be this hard? Why is this nurse telling me I don’t have any other option but to fight through it? Is it really NOT supposed to hurt? I’m failing at the first thing I’m supposed to do as a Mother. I did stupid things like Google “why does breastfeeding hurt” and smart things like have a Lactation Consultant on speed dial. After 6 weeks I (we) finally got the hang of it and ultimately it became easier for me than dealing with the pump or bottles. That is not the case for everyone… and I have nothing but sympathy, compassion, and understanding for those of you who have tried and could or could not make it work.
THE TALK: What was your experience with attempting to breastfeed? Did you have complications? Do you have any tricks or tips to make it easier? A gentle reminder – the point of The Misadventure Talks is to create community and to procure a sense of fellowship, therefore the #1 rule of The Misadventure talks is: please don’t be a dick.
PSST, FOUND SOMETHING COOL! Rachel’s Remedy is the ONLY FDA-cleared breastfeeding relief pack designed to help nursing moms prevent and relieve common breastfeeding problems like low milk flow, slow let down, clogged ducts, mastitis, blebs, engorgement and general discomfort. This summer they are launching in Babies ‘R’ Us stores as well as in buybuy Baby and on Target.com. But we’ve got our finger on the
nipple err pulse! They are giving away double relief packs combined with disposable moistening cloth packs to THREE Misadventure Talk participants.
A note from the inventor: When the time actually came, I experienced the beautiful bond that is created while breastfeeding, but I also experienced painful clogged ducts, milk blebs and a lot of general discomfort breastfeeding both of my boys. The doctor-prescribed treatment was to either stop breastfeeding, to hold a warm, wet washcloth (or diaper!) in place for 20 minute intervals 4-8 times per day, or to take 8 million warm baths per day. These were not remedies at all – they were totally impractical and nearly impossible when I was at home and were impossible when I was out of the home. While applying the washcloths, I was unable to wear clothes because they would get soaking wet, and I was unable to care for my children, work, or perform any function that required both hands. Not to mention, those washcloths didn’t stay warm for long, and needed constant reheating. I thought there must be a better way…I eventually put my career as a lawyer on the side and devoted my professional life to finding a solution that could help breastfeeding moms nurse more comfortably. I invented Rachel’s Remedy Breastfeeding Relief Packs because I believe breastfeeding moms deserve a product that helps them feel comfortable while enjoying the freedom to take care of all those other things moms need to do. Our Breastfeeding Relief Packs allow hands-free, discreet, moist heat or cooling relief, all while keeping clothing dry.
And (In honor of this Misadventure Talk) here is an except reprint from my very first blog post:
TALES FROM THE BOOB
Written By KQuinn
PART I – Desperation or “The Donner Party”
Breastfeeding Day 4, 9:00AM
They don’t tell you that your nipple is going to often erupt like Old Faithful spraying your baby in the face in all directions. You seriously spring a leak. I thought my nipple had popped open for God’s sake. Poor child trying to catch the geyser by opening her mouth and sticking out her tongue hoping something will land inside.
Breastfeeding Night 4, 11:00PM
What the hell is this child’s name again and why can’t I think of it? Didn’t I name her?
Breastfeeding Day 5, 7AM
Nipples are screaming at me “Why are you allowing this Barracuda to naw on us?” Sorry, nipples, for everything.
Breastfeeding Day 6, 4AM
Wait, so men can’t breastfeed?? Crap.
Breastfeeding Day 7, 10AM
Things you can do successfully with one hand while breastfeeding: NOTHING
Breastfeeding Night / Day 8, 3AM
Is that seriously another poop I just heard? How does something so small make all of this shit?
Breastfeeding Day 9, 4PM
Walking around the house with no shirt on. Figured it was easy access to the milk truck that I have become. Looking pretty ridiculous.
Breastfeeding Night/Day 10, 2AM
Slept for 30 minutes. Had a dream that President Obama gave me a root canal.
Breastfeeding Day 11, 12:00PM
Feeling like a drained well
Breastfeeding Night/Day 12, 3:35AM
Did I give birth to a boy or a girl…I forgot.
Breastfeeding Day 12, 4:25PM
Thank God we don’t have cats. They would lick me up and down day and night seeing that I am covered in milk. I am now having the imagery of me having 10 cats licking every inch of my body and want to shower. But can’t. Because I’m ….. you guessed it, breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding Night/Day 13, 1:32AM
Maybe I’ll write a book about what goes through your mind at 1am,3am and 4am feedings. Yea right, too tired.
Breastfeeding Day 14, 10:45AM
I’M STARVING. The chips are so close yet so far…what happens if I just move a little bit to the right to….OUCH! Okay, no chips.
PART II – Delirium or “The 60’s and LySergic acid Diethylamide”
Breastfeeding Night 15, 9PM
I need a chin strap. My neck is killing me from staring down at this child. A chin strap would be nice. I could deck it out in all sorts of fun colors and switch it up depending on what sweatpants I was wearing that day. I could open my own store and scream out the door to get mom’s attention “Chin Straps & sweatpants! Come get your chin straps and matching sweatpants!”
Breastfeeding Night 15, 9:30PM
Still on the same feed, a half hour later. I think a breastfeeding feed bag is a better idea.
A chin strap/feed bag combo! I’m on to something. My hands are tied so if I could just dip my head down into a bag of potato chips and then pick it up and have it cradled while I chew….
Breastfeeding Day 16, 10AM
Something I’ll never understand: Fishing. Also Daytime TV stinks.
Breastfeeding Night/Day 17, 2:40AM
I will not drop this baby. I will not drop this baby. I will not drop this baby.
Breastfeeding Night/Day 17, 4:10AM – 5:10AM
Slept. Had a dream I gave birth to a boy instead of a girl. The boy had testicles sticking out of his stomach. I went to go change him and started screaming for my husband because I didn’t know how “boy parts” worked. I’m officially insane.
Breastfeeding Day 18, 3PM
You know those little crocodiles that bite something and don’t let go no matter how much you shake them around? The term “motorboating” has a whole new meaning for me.
Read the rest, HERE.